TWENTY SEVEN years ago I was covered in zits and going through a selection process that would determine my future career: Morse code at higher and higher speeds until I was bombarded with 30wpm. And the ALAT, Army Language Aptitude Test which, according to the result obtained, would demonstrate if the candidate had a natural ability in learning a foreign language. Army Intelligence (which, as we say, is a contradictory term) at the time of the Cold War needed Russian "linguists" (in fact, after having studied linguistics for 6 years at university, I'd now say "Speakers of Russian as a Foreign Language, for, as I learned, a linguist is much more than just a bilingual). I got along fine with the morse. The ALAT I failed miserably, showing that I would be a total dumbo at learning any foreign language.

I now speak fluent Portuguese. A result of having lived in Brazil for over 15 years. So you see Army Intelligence got it all wrong, if they wanted Speakers of Russian as a Foreign Language, they should have sent the candidates to Russia for 15 years.

A FEW YEARS BEFORE twenty seven years ago, I was at Y PANT Comprehensive School, Pontyclun. Y Pant, like many schools in Wales at the time, had German, French and WELSH, as languages to learn. Only it wasn't compulsory after 14 years of age. And at 14 years of age, I was in no mood to learn another language, not even my own mother tongue! Dam and Blast, I'm a Welshman living in Brazil who speaks English and Portuguese. There are colonies of Welsh living in Patagonia, a couple of thousand miles south of where I live, that speak Welsh and Spanish and have names like Juan Evans and Dai Gonzalez. I'd love to be able to pop down for a visit and have a good conversation in Welsh. Get learning then butty! (but my ALAT results...)