Unidentifiable stinky things

The Loose-the-Beer-Gut programme is back on track after a few days of non activity (but plenty of beer drinking!), now you may say, in order to loose the beer gut - stop drinking beer! OUT OF THE QUESTION! I now have, as one of my students, the owner of a micro-brewery that produces 3 types of fine quality lagers, all according to the German Purity Law of 1516, no commercial crap. Every week I pick up a 2 litre jug (called a siphon) every Thursday and drop it back, empty, on Tuesday.

I run from my home, down to the riverside and along the river, there and back about 5.6 miles (9kms), it's not the best route, I have to cross a busy road 4 times, I prefer quiet shady parks in leafy suburbs, but ain't got that around about where I live now. On part of the route, the city council made a good job, "parkifying" what used to be a favella along a stretch of the riverside, but it's now neglected and dumbfuck people go there to dump stinking trash. In fact the whole rivershore is choked up with crap and muck and unidentifiable stinky things.

What the fuck?! It's 2008 tomorrow, where did the year go?

Open the friggin' pod bay doors Hal!!

I know it's a cinematographic masterpiece and I'd delayed watching it for years, Stanley did a fantastic job of course, but while watching it, this very night for the first time, on dvd and 29" colour, I couldn't help keeping getting the urge to press the ff button on the remote. I think I could've watched the whole blasted film at 16x speed and I still understood the plot very well. I'm talking about 2001 A Space Odyssey of course. When it finished I realised I should've watched it 20 years ago with a huge roll-up of Morocco's finest weed like I did with Koyaanisqatsi, then I would've appreciated it more.

Oh yeah, by the way, Christmas was the usual.

And I didn't pass the master's degree selection test. Bloody Hal's fault, the way he malfunctions and all that crap.

Blast me for a fried banana if I shouldn'nt've chosen a 4.5mile slog AND a cold beer afterwuds.
(see below for this to make sense)

Drink Beer and Get Fit at the same time.

With my Loose-the-Beer-Gut programme well under way - bought a new pair of trainers and went a-runnin', Monday,Tuesday and Wednesday; Thursday came around and I took a break with the intention of whizzing out again on Friday (today, NOW!); Friday afternoon came around and with a cancelled class at 6pm I was faced with - go out in the 30c heat for the 4.5mile slog OR a cold beer. I chose:

A COLD BEER!!!

And several more after that.

Thank you m'am.
And good night.

HELL

is a shopping centre three days before Christmas.

Got a Dream boy!

As blogger posts everything in last things first order, read THIS first.

Everyone's leaving the city and Ben encounters an old friend:

(friend): There's two kinds in the world Ben, people who move, people who stay, ain't that true?
(Ben): No that ain't.
(friend): Then what's true?
(Ben): Well there's two kinds of people, them going somewhere and them going nowhere, and that's what's true.
(friend): I don't agree Ben.
(Ben): That's 'cos you don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Got a Song!

The Preacher addressing a group of drunks:

"Ye Godless Jaspers!! Who are yer? Free Masons? Rosecrusiens? Heathen emissaries from the dens of Babylon?! (pause while he considers what they are)

Boozers! Gluttons! Gamblers! Harlots! FORNICATORS!"

(1st drunk): "What's a fornicator?"

(2nd drunk): "I don't know, I ain't a religious man".

Paint your Wagon and come along!

One of my all-time favourite films is a musical comedy with Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood - "Paint Your Wagon". I hadn't seen it for years when a friend made a dvd copy for me and I've spent the previous two nights in fits of laughter watching it. There are some wonderfully witty and hilarious lines and well worth reproducing here.
Ben Rumson's (Lee Marvin) thoughts on people and civilization in a song:

God made the mountains, God made the sky,
God made the people,
God knows why!

He fixed up the planet as best as he could,
then in come the people and fucked it up good! (he actually sings "gummed it up", but I know he really wanted to say fucked but the censors wouldn't allow it)
The first thing you know.

They civilize the foothills and everywhere He put-hills, mountains and valleys bellow,
They come along and take 'em and civilize and make 'em a place where no civilized person would go!
The first thing you know.

They civilize what's pretty by putting up a city where nothing that's pretty can grow,
They muddy up the winter and civilize it in'ta a place too uncivilized, even for snow!
The first thing you know.

They civilize left, they civilize right, 'till nothing is left! 'till nothing is right!
They civilize freedom 'till no-one is free,
no-one except, by coincidence, me!
The first thing you know.

The boozers in prison and the criminaly - isn' and only the rascals have gold
When I see a parson I gotta put my arse-on a wagon that follows the tail of a crow!

The first thing you know - I pick up and blow!

HOT SEX WITH HORNY NAKED TEENAGE GIRLS IN BANANA JELLY!!

Now let's see what happens on my Live Traffic Feed!

FART PROUDLY!

Mr Maurice Fox has been banned from his local sports and social club just for providing a little light entertainment. The entertainment consisted of farting loudly, harmless and fun! Apparently his fellow members didn't think so, they were "disgusted" by his actions. "I'm a loud farter, but there is no smell." said Mr Fox. Benjamin Franklin wrote an essay proposing that scientists should spend their time developing a drug that would render the fart smell-less or indeed perfume the fart with a delicate scent, perhaps rose or lavender. Imagine the hours of fun you could have trumpeting away and appreciating the scented air!